gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
