he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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