when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Hippo gnu deer
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
