We're like a lot better than the average bears
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Randomize
