yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
