DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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