the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
