you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Randomize
