Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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