he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
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Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
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Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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