just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
