You can't motorboat a personality
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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