Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
