She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
