Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
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Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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