They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
