How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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