He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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