my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
