it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
