i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
