so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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