I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
