i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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