So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
