I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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