Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
