Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
