I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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