I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
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