Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
