mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
