i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
he quoted the bible to break up with me
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
