My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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