you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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