I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
