Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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