I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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