We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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