dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm jealous of your bromance
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
