So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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