Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
We just shotgunned beers for America
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I had to cum in my sink.
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