shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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