I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
