I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Randomize
