I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
