ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
