normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
