I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
