There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize