I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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