Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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