My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
