So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
