thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
