It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
