What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
