Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
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