Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
