The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
