I want you more than these girls want KFC
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
