i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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