Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
