Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
