she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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