how can u be prego again
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
