i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
